Pity Party ~ OpenLinkNight

Pity Party 

Do you know I have dreams that actually mean something to me?
They are not presented to you for belittling
nor are they shared in hope that you will help me see the light.
I want you to get excited…to feel what I feel
Then perhaps you could understand.

You speak to me of sacrifice as though I know nothing
With just one sentence you lay to waste
what has so far constituted my entire existence
I know sacrifice…all too well
I also know what it means to sacrifice for naught.

I’m a big girl now. The inevitable consequence of being born
It happens, one day, one week, one year at a time
Despite sacrifices I have still learned
most of all I have learned about what I don’t want
and it slips from my tongue before I can stop it.

For so many years I did what I thought was expected
and I admit, these things were done in hopes of reward
praise, dollars, love…but always left empty
Now, my cup overflows with joy
despite a rapidly declining bank account

Now, it is a a different kind of guilt I battle
because in my knowing, what I do not want
has been revealed to all
along with the proof needed for you to see
I can no longer hold my tongue.

All those years wasted, trying to convince myself
I was where I was supposed to be
following the divine plan…
when my soul always knew
what it was going to take.

It’s been a very rough day on my shore…and I am so thankful for OpenLinkNight.  This week sees the return of Joy Ann Jones…a personal favorite many of you know as @Hedge_Witch.  Hoping she’s ready to work some of her magic for me.  I may be late to the party…but hey, I’m here! Join us at dVersePoets…let’s get our therapy on!


31 thoughts on “Pity Party ~ OpenLinkNight

  1. Nothing wrong with a good pity party here and thereEspecailly when life raises one's neck hairGets on our last nerveThrowing out some swerveAnd screw holding ones tongueUnless of course it could end up getting ones bell rung..haha

  2. How funny that you used the therapy phrase, Tash–that's exactly what my own poem was, and I mention it in my comments. Writing is so much better than beating people over the head with blunt instruments–well, safer anyway. I love your kind of pity party, as it's fueled more by anger than whines, and justice than self-pity. You always bring me up when I read your work–I hope my little piece won't have the opposite effect for you–winter makes me very grim, but writing helps, and –big plus–leaves no hangovers. ;_)

  3. "All those years wasted, trying to convince myselfI was where I was supposed to befollowing the divine plan…when my soul always knewwhat it was going to take."Hugs, sweetie. Thank you for trusting us with your heart, even when it is hurting and frustrated.iamthat-shawna.blogspot.com

  4. All those years wasted, trying to convince myselfI was where I was supposed to befollowing the divine plan…when my soul always knewwhat it was going to take….love the honesty and I understand the sentiment. So happy that you come here and share your heart with us. Keep doing what makes you happy!

  5. Tash. Pity parties are good. Well, at least I keep telling myself that, so they have to be. Venting is a natural part of the evolutionary ladder. Without it, we'd implode from repressed ire and that's not too fun. Stress though needs to be released and there are a million ways to do just that, venting helps, at least I hope it has. and do you vent poetically or what! Hope that was some help, keep your chin up, turn that frown upside down, and any other motivational idioms you can think of. Thanks for the invite to the party:) Seriously, sorry you are down, but things will get better, they usually do, just have a few pints of poetry and I bet Joy does have some magic to lend:) Thanks for sharing

  6. I think I'm kinda in this state myself. It comes to a point, no one else can understand or say anything, don't want them to, just want to be rooted for, cheered on. All the best!

  7. Like Brian said: Blow it out and to hell with where we "should" be. Scary, though, I know. Soul agendas are often very weird things. Great piece, though. A good slap with the glove to ask all of ourselves what sacrifice really is.

  8. I dunno…I don't see pity party here at all. I do see powerful courage …what? Better late than never? Too trite. You seemed to have reached a truth about yourself. It fits, you like it…and who cares if those around you don't Bravo!

  9. these are deep questions you ask and words felt from the depth of your soul tash..it's good to let them out, to allow them to come to the surface, to shine the light on them and investigate them…and then decide where and how to move..strong voice my friend..

  10. "For so many years I did what I thought was expectedand I admit, these things were done in hopes of rewardpraise, dollars, love…but always left emptyNow, my cup overflows with joydespite a rapidly declining bank account"So many start out on that same opening trail, hoping for that same just-out-of-reach reward, but few seem to see the light in time to save themselves. Sorry to hear its been a rough one for you, my friend, but I do hope the revelations revealed herein mean a brighter future awaits. The past is what it is – make of the future what it could be, and all that. Here's wishing you all the best!

  11. So easy to identify with this.. the struggle to find our place..but the best thing is that it keeps shifting..and if only we can shift with it.. The struggle seeps through..I can no longer hold my tongueThat's good…

  12. I love the beginning of this especially–do you know I have dreams that actually mean something to me? Very simply said. Covers a lot. The end very strong too. Keep it up! And thanks for your very kind comments on my poem. K.

  13. If you felt something reading mine, I sure felt something reading yours. I identify with the words of this piece so much, it's almost crippling to admit such worries, doubts, and fears. But that's what our writing is for, to unburden, to classify and try to grasp a hold on that which could spiral away from us, uncontrollable. Beautiful piece, hon.Gene

  14. A bit late to the party here….I thoroughly enjoy the raw, honest emotion in your words here. I think we all have those poems/writings/rants where we just need to get it out and on the page. I especially like the lines:"Now, my cup overflows with joydespite a rapidly declining bank account"Here's hoping your week gets better!

  15. So many questions.. so intriguing are ..all them ..But I like the strength in here with you.. Nice write 🙂 Be strong and believe in yourself.. you can topple any wall. Take care

  16. The hardest thing in life maybe for everyone but especially for women are these 1. Learning to say NO and mean it. 2. Loving oneself first so that there is enough love to spill over for everyone else. And yes that means pleasing yourself first. It's so hard and that's a sacrifice too. There are times in life when responsibility and previous contracts conflict but then it's a judgment, isn't it? My heart is with you as is everyone who knows and loves you.

  17. realisation …comes with age …we 're all so eager to please when we're younger ( still do it now to an extent ) but hey I'm gonna be a middle age rebel …want to join me ? lots of hugs honey x

  18. vive la revolucion!the soul strikes out.belittling or patronizing, everyone's unique; and it's hard for any two to get enmeshed on the same wavelength.scary, sometimes, but I think we may never succeed…oh, maybe close approximations maybe. Just look at the variations in poetry on a single topic.this is a heartfelt piece. It rocks and quakes the soul.word choice is striking; lines like:I'm a big girl now. The inevitable consequence of being born.andmost of all I have learned about what I don't wantand it slips from my tongue before I can stop it.so true, this.nice piece, Tash.

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