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Form For All~dVersePoets~The Pantoum


This week Gay (@beachanny) is treating us to the form of Pantoum for Form For All.  I am attempting, once again, to embrace the rules, and to write what is expected based on the fantastic lesson provided.  I am also calling on all courageous and poetic souls to join us at dVerse to show us how well you fared with this form challenge. It’s all in the name of being better poets! Now let’s get this show on the road!

Race to Freedom

Into silent night we race
Unbeknownst to all
Disappearing without a trace
Swallowed by nightfall

Unbeknownst to all
We’ve escaped these rusted chains
Swallowed by nightfall
Wrapped up in freedom’s rains

We’ve escaped these rusted chains
Though the risk was close to death
Wrapped up in freedom’s rains
Fighting frantically for breath

Though the risk was close to death
We ran with hearts on fire
Fighting frantically for breath
The shores of freedom, lone desire

We ran with hearts on fire
Disappearing without a trace
The shores of freedom, lone desire
Into silent night we race.

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27 thoughts on “Form For All~dVersePoets~The Pantoum

  1. That one looked rather tough and you pulled if off very well. Rhyming here and there for a spell. That silent night sure saw you race and you sure left it without a trace, doesn't mean you will erase, just not show your face or trip over your shoe lace, now I leave at my rhyming pace.

  2. i dont think you did bad at all…freedom and hearts on fire, flee those chains…i like…you got the rhymes and the form sequence…sent mine to gay to get some reassurance…lol

  3. This was terrific! The rhyming didn't seem strained, but rather flowed perfectly. I wasn't sure I liked this poetic form until I read this. I could feel the race to freedom in each stanza. I may have to try my hand at a pantoum if I can find the time today. Peace, Linda

  4. I think that this flowed freely, and there were no moments where it felt forced at all.And the lines:Unbeknownst to allWe've escaped these rusted chainsSwallowed by nightfallWrapped up in freedom's rainsWell they are to die for. πŸ™‚

  5. Tashtoo – I'm feeling jealous. You made this look easy and I know it's not! Your repetitions are spot on! As I re-read it, I considered if you might have wanted to substitute "reins" for "rains" although I can see why "rains" work because it speaks to "rust". I like the idea of "reins of freedom" as I believe freedom requires reigning in so as not to become chaos; however by the end of the poem, I can see it would not work as it would confuse a horse race with a foot race and a horse race metaphor was not at all where you were going. But it was interesting to look at it both ways. It took me deeper into the poem. Well done!!

  6. Tash, excellent write. Every time you do a poem with structure, where you're forced to live within the constraints, you come out shining. Really love how you've not only embraced, but have seemingly owned the possibility to expand your own craft, whether it be through experimentation or as here, "education". Very nice job here, keep it up, thanks for a great read

  7. I could really feel the desperation, longing, and passion in this one. I almost feel short of breath after reading, caught up in the urgency of the moment. πŸ™‚

  8. This is where form and function meet, Natasha. You wrote a pantoum, and you wrote a poem,and they are one. Really nice job with the exact repetition–I wasn't able to do that and I envy, like others have said, how easy you make this look. I also like what you're saying here very much.

  9. i cannot write the forms with rhyme and meter but i love reading them when you not only follow the form, but still manage to portray emotions and you accomplished it all. excellent! {she says, green with envy}dani β™₯

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