canadian poetry / onestoppoetry / poetr

Form Monday – A Look at PROSODY

Class is in session at Onestop Poetry today, and Gay Cannon has given us a plate full, indeed! Until I discovered Onestop, the thought of learning poetic “forms” never really held any interest for me, and today, I considered passing this lesson up, but upon reflecting on the hard work that goes into this site each and every day, the least I could do is TRY…and I am only trying 🙂 Please be gentle as you have a read of…

Credit Crunch
Just down the street and round the bend
You’ll find a bank who still will lend
The tellers show up dressed in black
With golden coins in velvet sacks
The smoke and mirrors hide the way
And passwords grant a chance to stay
Well hidden in this tiny hole
High interest rates will steal your soul
True riches pave the way my friend
But you must dare to wish again
There’s not a soul that can’t be bought
There’s not a dream that can’t be sought
Their contracts signed in blood are true
And in default they’ll collect you
So sign right here on dotted line
Just right beside clause number nine
Then everything you want is yours
Castles of gold with marble floors
The law of Midas is a must
The law of commerce we do trust
So all the money that you need
You can find in the blood you bleed
Just when you think you have it all
They’ll all be there to watch you fall
So please think carefully my friend
And be prepared to bleed again
While you’re here the world you’ll own
And then they’ll come to call your loan.
Natasha Head
Thanks to Gay for the direction in the comments below. With her advice, I’ve made the recommended changes, and am shocked at how much better it reads.  That’s the power of the poets at Onestoppoetry!  Stop by and have a visit…their support is amazing!!! You’ll be a better poet for it 🙂


8 thoughts on “Form Monday – A Look at PROSODY

  1. I hate to say anything about this. It is so charming, but as I have taken the red pencil to others today, I might suggest two tiny changes. But first I'd like to say how wonderful and ambitious a feat you have accomplished with this rather long piece, not only in meter and line length but rhyme as well. And having accomplished that, written a really clever poem.It scans beautifully in iambic tetrameter with an anapest or two sprinkled in for interest. I would for the sake of diction reverse "will" and "still" not to split the verb form in line two.I'm afraid Golden Castles are not iambs. The heavy stress in both words fall on the first syllables. I would simply change this to Castles of gold and it works perfectly.So that's it..the rest is absolutely great! Wonderfully written and well done you!

  2. bwahahaha….watch out for the secret society cult called the bank…smiles. i love it…you are ambitious…i rather hate form honestly…but you do so well to rtry it and come out swimmingly…

  3. hahahahahaha have to agree with Brian you really have the banks number and are so right, just when you think everything has been paid boom they hit you with something else, dirty bastards…lol….oh look and Brian made a rhyme, I guess I can do one too in no time. Wow did it just there, I know just no fair

  4. I am so impressed by your ability to push meaning into the stringencies of form. I like your message here, as I think you know, but what I like best is that even with a distinct message and the prosodic requirements the poem still rings and sings in your poetic voice, and to me, that is a huge feat. Also, certain words leap out at me as fantasy allusions, which I think adds to what you're trying to say, as it's a fantasy world that is so often being sold. You didn't even need the image to paint the picture of the devil you're pointing at. Absolutely excellently done!

  5. I might not be well versed in Poetic "Forms" so can't really comment on that part….But, I think this is an awesome comical poem….lets publish!Your loving sista

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