Shepperd Bay Boys

This week at Onestop Poetry, we are delving deeper into the form of the ballad.  This time around I am going to do my best to stick to form, and accent accordingly as recommended by this weeks workshop.  In this sense, I offer…

Shepperd Bay Boys
There is a town called Shepperd Bay
It’s where all bad boys go
It’s in the woods past Livingston
 Where fierce winds do blow.
The walls are cold and food is poor
There’s punishment and fear
It’s evil in its purest form
Though bibles are kept near
The boys are poor and come from homes
Where families are lost
They did their best to keep them fed
But misconstrued the cost.
They get locked up right after supp
And get told sordid tales
of devils growing in their blood
Deafened by demons’ wails
They’ve all been branded by the cloth
And devils they’ve been named
For their strength and families fed
A must, but they’ve been shamed
The warden walks dark halls at night
And tells them how they’ve sinned
With fevered prayers and wrongs confessed
They can be born again.
They work them on the grounds till dark
Then they’re back up at dawn
There’s is a tale of misfortune
A sad and lonely song.
There is a town called Shepperd Bay
It’s where few good boys are
Forgotten boys of poor bloodline
Will forever wear her scars.
2011 Natasha Head


11 thoughts on “Shepperd Bay Boys

  1. cool – another ballad – great you are trying the different forms natasha – very good storytelling in this one. i'm leaving the crit to monty – just a few remarks that jumped to my eyes…if you don't mind…?stanza 1 line 4 has 7 syllablesPoisoned by demons' wails – poisoned is more trochaic than iambic – the stress is POIsoned, maybe you could find another word?

  2. Thanks Claudia! I think I've straightened it up a bit. Again…writing on the fly at work. (I am just soooo bad!lol) Thanks for pointing those out, much appreciated, especially the extra time it takes to help 🙂

  3. lol great job, natasha, and how dare friend claudia for her "i'm leaving the crit to monty" lol she's caught my mistakes before lolnow. onto the work at hand 🙂 you nailed the story telling essance of ballad's nature, I feel.and but for a few missed rhymes, if you're a purest, such as the "sinned /again" and "dawn / song" you've kept to the form very well, natasha 🙂 and my heart thanks you for lending a great effort to my favorite form 🙂 and if ever you'd feel like filtering it into even more purity, let's tinker in the forum chat a stanza at a time :)monty / bummy

  4. Mr. Monty…thanks so much for your motivating words. I know I cheated a bit on the rhyme…but the next one will be even better, thanks to help from folks as awesome as you and Claudia! I've registered now at the forum, so if you have any interest at all in helping me reshape something that needs some tweaking…I'm up for it! Thanks again, you guys are most awesome 🙂

  5. I'd love two things, and your help would be much appreciated 1) tweak'n tinker with me on this or anything you'd like 2) get the forum rolling on discussions of form. forum's not live chat by any stretch of imagination, but leave add to chat thread with stanza or so; I'm checking it regularly now :)monty

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