The Simple Form of Me

After investing much time in my Monday attempt at villanelle, Claudia (AKA Splittergewitter) has provided some valuable insight into what I was doing wrong, and I would love to share my second attempt with you.  We might have to blame the folks at Onestop Poetry for a new obsession! But of course, as I looked closer at what I had written, and with the help of Claudia, my poem took on a whole new feel, and in honor of that, I have blessed it with a new name and photo.  As always, please feel free to share your thoughts and comments, and if you are a writer, new, old or indifferent, I urge you to visit Onestop.  They will keep you engaged, and remind you of the passion that comes with a good write.  From Destiny’s River, I will now bring to you The Simple Form of Me…

The Simple Form of Me
Upon this raging sea of destiny
Angry waves will come and go
Shaped through erosion, the simple form of me
Back and forth an eternity
Forever seeking from that we sow
Upon this raging sea of destiny
Held by solid chains of conformity
A small and tortured soul hangs low
Shaped through erosion, the simple form of me
Forsaking hope and prosperity
Finding the courage to let go
Upon this raging sea of destiny
Daring to show the best of me
With tortured soul in tow
Shaped through erosion, the simple form of me
Embracing sweet simplicity
With cheapened oars to row
Upon this sea of destiny
Shaped through erosion, the simple form of me
Natasha Head 2011

6 thoughts on “The Simple Form of Me

  1. kudos natasha – this was awesome – you have worked hard and the structure is 100% perfect now.let's have a look at the meter – you've decided on pentameter in your first line – it would be perfect if all the lines scan to make it a really smooth read. a lot of people struggle with the meter – it's not that easy – but i think you can do it. here's my suggestion and it really is just a suggestion to make it more visible for you.feel free to take aboard what you like and skip what you don't likeUpon this raging sea of destinyAngry, rolling waves will come and goerosion shaped, the simple form of meBack, back and forth a vast eternityForever seeking, seeking what we sowUpon this raging sea of destinyHeld tight by solid chains: conformityA tiny, tortured soul hangs small and lowerosion shaped, the simple form of meForsaking hope and all prosperityFinding the courage to let bravely goUpon this raging sea of destinyDaring to show the very best of mea tortured, painful and hurt soul in towerosion shaped, the simple form of meEmbracing gladly sweet simplicityWith cheapened oars amidst the waves i rowUpon this raging sea of destinyerosion shaped, the simple form of mehope this was helpful natasha. glad you are open for suggestions – taking crit will let us grow and guess that's what we all want

  2. Claudia, I am ALWAYS open to any suggestions and advice that will help me become a bigger and better version of myself. I see easily now, thanks to your additions, what a difference your changes have made…needless to say, there is a good chance my Oneshot for Wednesday will be another attempt in this form. With your help, it doesn't seem quite so overwhelming! Blessings to you and again, many, many thanks!!! 🙂

  3. Hi Natasha,I would say. . this is the best..you have inspired me too. .so I really need to recollect my thoughts too. .and have to visit onestop poetry.thank you so much.take care.

  4. this is a blissful read, perfect wording,breath taking imagery.Glad to discover your poetry talent,Impressed,Hope to see you join our poetry potluck today,1 to 3 random poems or poems unrelated to our theme are welcome in case you fall short in doing a theme fitting piece.Bless you.Keep up the excellence.xxx

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